A cannibal son and his father are out looking for food. They are watching people walk down the street. The son suggested a particularly plump woman and the father rejected saying that she's too fatty. Later on the son asked about a very skinny woman. Again the father refused saying that she's too skinny. After a while the son pointed out a very attractive woman." sure son" the father replied, drooling. "We'll take her home and eat your mother!"
In USA, they invented a machine that can catch thieves..
In USA it caught 20 thieves in day..
In UK 50 thieves in 10 hours...
In Germany 80 thieves in 6 hours...
In Sudan 200 thieves in 1 hour...
In Nigeria 500 thieves in 30 minutes...
In PAKISTAN within 15 minutes
The machine was stolen..
Things Mom Would Never Say!
1. "How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"
2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too"
3. "Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery"
4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week"
5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day"
6. "Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."
7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."
8. "I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve"
9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve"
A mother was making a large batch of cookies with her ten-year- old son. She asked him to read the recipe and ingredients to her, doubling them as he went along. He did as she said, and thus his first instruction was to preheat the oven to seven hundred degrees.
An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.
He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.
The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.
The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times.
By the way, where is your restroom?"
The bartender quickly replies -,
"The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."